Book 2, Chapter 2                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Alaysa’s face dripped sweat.  The orange light of the rising sun glowed against her eyelids and even when she squeezed them tight, the light did not falter.  Alaysa pulled the blanket over her head.  The heat and light vanished but the air she breathed grew stuffy and she thought she would suffocate.

As the camp awoke, horses stamped their hooves and shook their heads, bridles jingling.  Soldiers’ feet shuffled along the forest floor as they moved out to find a private spot to relieve themselves.  They spoke in hushed tones. 

When Kir’s tea had eventually put her to sleep last night, she had slept without dreaming.  Still, she did not feel rested.  Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth.  Her fingers pushed damp hair out of her eyes.  As her fingers brushed her skin, it felt solid and made of leather.  Deep down she could feel the pressure of her fingers but nothing else.  Kir’s tea had deadened her nerves so that she could sleep and its effects were slow to wear off.  Perhaps if she splashed water on her face, it too would wake up.

            Alaysa pushed aside the blanket and lifted her upper body on her elbow.  She seemed to be the last to rise.  A depression had been left in the sand where Janek had lain his blanket.  Close enough that she could reach out and touch his shoulder but far enough away that neither would touch each other by accident.  So little had been written about the bond that they did not use it unless absolutely necessary.

Farther around the fire, two soldiers shook out their blankets.  The sand drifted in a light breeze, creating a glittering fog as it passed through a patch of sunlight.  She could feel them trying not to look in her direction.  She knew it was hopeless to tell them to stop worrying about her.  But it was their responsibility to keep her alive and she felt their frustration knowing she was more at risk because of what she carried inside her chest than from any outside enemy.

            She drew her knees up beneath her body and stood.  The ground spun and she closed her eyes.  Her stomach lurched.  Taking in a few deep breaths, she waited until the spinning stopped.  Fabric scratched her hand.  At least she had had the foresight to pull the blanket up with her so she wouldn’t have to bend over and risk another dizzy spell.  She lifted it off the sand and stopped as a voice called out, “Let me do that for you.”

            Janek, jogging around the firepit, held his hand out for the blanket.  She saw the determination on his face.  If she didn’t hand over the blanket, he would yank it out of her hands.  He so wanted to help her, to make life easier.  And she wanted him to make it easier for her, take away all her pain. 

If only like Kir’s tea, he could make her numb to the outside world.  She could stop worrying about her brothers and sisters, about the fragility of her heart, about her land, Pen’nBru.  But then, to stop feeling would be to stop caring.  Without her feelings, she would fade into nothingness.  She would become that which she feared the most.  She would become nothing.

            Alaysa let him take her blanket and watched as he shook it, snapping it in the air twice.  He folded it lengthwise then hung it over his shoulder. “How did you sleep?”

            “The tea worked.”   She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands.  “The Lightfire is quiet.”  She placed a hand over her heart.  “For now.”

            “I thought the dose was too strong,” Janek said.  “I still feel woozy.”

            “Is it always going to be like this?” she asked.  “We didn’t even touch.”

            “The wild bond is a strange one.  Not even Darsis understands it.”

To hide her discomfort, she turned toward the river.  “I need to wash up.”

            “I found a spot that will give you a bit of privacy.”

            She followed him down to the edge and they turned to walk up river.  Soldiers swam in the centre of the river where the water rose to their shoulders.  They laughed and splashed each other, diving and kicking water high up into the water.  One of them turned and waved.  She recognized Eric and waved back.  He looked so young.  But then he was barely a year older than she.  They were all so young.  Too young to have the responsibility to save the Land.

            “One moment, they are so serious,” she said, more to herself than to Janek, “the next, they play like children.”

            “They take their moments of peace when they can,” Janek said.

            They walked up a large, sloping rock.  Janek continued down the opposite side but Alaysa stopped.  Dense brush clogged the forest on the far side of the river.  A tree, torn out by its roots, had snagged in the centre of the river.  Its bare limbs, scraped of all bark and leaves, stuck up into the air, snapping whenever the current tried to drag it off its perch.  Alaysa could feel through the souls of her feet, the grating of the trunk on the gravel floor.  Yet, it clung, refusing to be budged off this spot.

            “What is it?” Janek said, from so far away.

            Alaysa turned and jumped.  She had expected him to be farther up the riverside.  He stood only a few strides away at the base of the rock.  She glanced back at the water.  Had Oseanus tried to speak to her?  When Janek next spoke, his voice sounded closer, normal.  “Did Zaren try…?”

            “No.” Alaysa shook her head and jogged down the rock to his side.  “No, I have heard nothing from Zaren.  I just hadn’t had a good look at the river yet.”

            “It was cold earlier,” Janek said, walking again.  “I think it feeds from the mountain glaciers.”

            She looked at him sideways and smiled.  “You should try swimming in a glacier pool.  That is cold."

            He smiled back.  “You calling me weak?”

            “No, no, not at all,” she grinned.  “Just because you were brought up with hot water at the turn of a tap doesn’t mean your tender skin can’t get used to bathing outside.”

            Janek held back a branch that leaned out over the river to let Alaysa pass.  “I’ll have you know there were many times the water was not very warm in the winter.  We actually had to shorten our bath time to an hour or so.”

            She saw him trying to hide a smile then they both broke out laughing.  Alaysa remembered the harsh conditions she had had to endure at the Keep.  All water had to be carried throughout the cavernous halls and rooms from the underground river at the base of the mountain.  If it arrived with any hint of warmth at all, the bather would consider himself fortunate.  All plumbing had ceased to work centuries ago.

            “This is the place.”

            Alaysa stepped up beside Janek.  He had found a small cove, really just a shallow part of the river that had formed where two trees leaned out over the water.  She could still hear the soldiers swimming further down the river.  Dropping her blanket on the stone beach, she tore off her jacket, blouse, gloves, boots and pants.  She left her underclothes on not really believing the river was that private.  She could already feel the cool rush of the water on her tired skin and hoping on first one foot then the other, dragged off her socks at the edge and tossed them over her shoulder.  She ran into the river and dove in.

            The frigid water made her gasp when she came up for air.  She felt the current tug at her hair and turned to face the current so that her hair could flow away from her body.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Janek sit down on the stones.  Her cast off clothes surrounded him.  Her head quickly cleared of the remaining effects of Kir’s tea. 

She swam a little up river, then turned over and let the current push her back toward the cove.  When she touched the rocky bottom, she turned over on her stomach and swam out to the centre of the river.  The sun warmed her head.

Her knees hit the rocky bottom again.  She climbed up onto the sand bar and sat cross-legged, facing the current.  She leaned back, her arms behind her and let the water wash over her shoulders.  Distant laughter filled her ears.  It seemed no one was in a hurry to leave this morning. 

Alaysa sat forward when her wrists began to ache and let her arms float just beneath the surface of the water.  In the bright sunlight, she could make out the tracings of the daisies in her palms and the stems and leaves circling her arms.  Flickers of light sparkled here and there along the stem, the Lightfire reminding Alaysa it sat inside her body.  The flickering light solidified and filled her arms with light. 

A strained voice crackled in her head.  She fought the sound but it broke through just as a dead fish whacked her in the chest.

            “The plague.  It comes.”

            Alaysa jumped to her feet.  The Lightfire encased her upper body.  Bloated bodies of fish floated by, some even brushing her legs.  The stench made her gag.

            “Alaysa, what is it?” Janek called over the rush of the water.

            She turned and pointed down river.  “Get them out, Janek.  Get them out now.”

            His face had gone pale.  He stared at the bloated bodies in the water.  “Come out, Alaysa.  Don’t…”

            “Janek, this is what the Lochorians wanted to tell me.  Zaren has put the plague in the river.”

“Come out, Alaysa.  We’ll find a way to…”

“I have to stop it.  Now.”

            “No, this isn’t the time.”

            “Janek, you have to go,” she said, pain filling her chest.  She didn’t want him to go.  To leave her alone.  “Warn Eric.”

Still Janek hesitated.

“You know I’m the only one who can stop it.”

            He glanced down at the river’s edge, to where the fish had begun to pile up then with a final glance in her direction, he ran toward the boulder and vanished over the top.

            The water had turned a murky, brackish colour and swirled around her legs.  Her feet had become buried in the dirt and when she tried to lift them, the suction pulled them even deeper down.  Where her skin vanished beneath the river, she could feel it tingling as if tiny fish nipped at her legs.  The Lightfire worked its way down to the water’s edge and when it tried to enter the water, it seemed to lose its spark and fade.

            Far away, she heard voices yelling.  She hoped none of her soldiers had touched any of the fish.  The plague could still be alive on them.  The fish had probably died right away, but it would take a man a full day and night of suffering to die.  She didn’t want to see any of her soldiers die that way. The yelling had turned to cries of panic.  Maybe they had become trapped on a sand bar, just like she had.

            “If only I could stop the water from flowing,” she said. 

             A sigh filled her mind, soothing her anxiety.  She leaned a little forward against the current.  She was supposed to be able to use the flower to contact her gods.  They were the ones who had given her this gift.

            “Oseanus, slow the current, stop the flow.  Your waters carry death.”

            Had the water level gone down a little?

            “Oseanus, hold back the flow and I will touch your waters with the Lightfire.  I will heal your wounds.  We must not let the plague advance.”

            She opened her eyes a crack and saw that the water had pooled around her feet.  A roar began to fill her ears. Water splashed in her face.  She looked up.  A huge wave, stretching from either side of the river stood in front of her.  She reached out with her hand and touched it.  The wave curled back upon itself and as more water from the river flowed into it, the wave grew taller.

            “Alaysa!”

            She glanced at the shoreline.  A crowd had gathered at its edge.  Janek stood out in front and waved her to come to him.  She tried to move her feet but they had become buried in the sand up to her shins.  She dropped her arms to reach down to her legs and the wave shifted.  Water splashed to the dry riverbed on either side.  She yanked her arms back up and turned back to face the water.

            “Alaysa, come now.  While you can.”  She heard Kir’s voice but she couldn’t leave.  Her feet wouldn’t budge.  Besides, she had made a bargain with Oseanus.

            “I’ll go get her,” Eric said.

            She heard a skirmish and turned to see Janek holding him back.  “Don’t.  You’ll break her…”

            More water splashed around her feet.  The wave’s crest began to fold over her head.  Alaysa turned back to face the water, leaned in to let her glowing arms touch the surface. It curled back, again.  Her lungs ached and she let out the breath she had been holding.  All right, Oseanus, she thought, let’s see if I can do this.  Alaysa let her palms brush the edge of the wall of water.  She placed her whole body against the water, even letting her face touch it sideways.  Light blinded her eyes.

            Ripples of cold danced upon her skin.  The Lightfire caressed the droplets that made up the water, measured each for its goodness and moved on.  The droplets shifted, sorted and bent away until Alaysa felt a change in the water.  Like the drop in the air’s temperature before a thunderstorm, the water began to drop to an icy, prickling cold that bit at the Lightfire.

Alaysa felt the Lightfire reach out, darting against the water, touching the ice.  The ice pushed forward.  The Lightfire pushed back.  The water began to warm and the ice to vanish.  Alaysa’s shoulders ached.  She dared to open her eyes.  The Lightfire danced on her skin, jumping against the surface of the water as if trying to leap off.  Alaysa felt the daisy twist beneath her skin as if reaching out for the Lightfire.

Alaysa’s arms began to shake.  She let them droop against the water.  The ache grew stronger.  The glow seemed to add weight to her body, dragging her arms away from the wall of water.  Alaysa struggled to hold her arms high.  She begged the Lightfire to stop glowing.  But the Lightfire did not respond.  Alaysa realized she did not know how to stop the Lightfire. She had never learned how to control it.  She tried to step back from the water but her feet had been buried so deep, they couldn’t move.

Alaysa started to reach down with her hands toward her ankles.  Water sloshed down on her back, over her head.  The wall of water shifted forward.  She jerked her arms back up against the face of the water.  If she tried to free her feet, the water would crash down and drag her under.  She would drown before she could wrench her feet out of the mud bottom.

A voice spoke in her head. “Where is he?”

She felt the familiar anger building inside.

“Where is Darsis?”

“Stop this.  We’re going to drown if you don’t come back in.” 

Even as she spoke the words, she knew the mistake she had made.  The Lightfire’s laughter filled her mind.  With Alaysa’s death, the Lightfire would be free.

“You promised to help-”

The Lightfire’s laughter grew louder, pierced her skull.  Alaysa grabbed her head with both hands.  The water start to pour out of the curl but she couldn’t lower her hands.  The pain radiated out threatening to burst through her skull.

“You will die in the end, you know.”

Alaysa shivered.  Yes, she did know she would die before she could completely heal the Land.  She had not the strength to carry the full Lightfire. Even now, she had not the strength to keep it quiet.

“If I die now, you will never become whole, again.”  But Alaysa knew she had already lost the argument.  The Lightfire would let her die today.  She should never have trusted it.

“He is coming.”

Alaysa turned sideways.  The water began to pour in streams all around.  She saw Darsis walking across the riverbed, determination etched on his face. She wanted to cry out to him, to stop, to not come any closer but she couldn’t.  She couldn’t make her mouth say the words.  Alaysa did not want to die.  Today or any day.

“He comes to save you.  He loves you.  He is pathetic.”

Alaysa felt the Lightfire glow brighter along her skin.

Darsis waded through the waist deep water and climbed up onto the sand bar.  He stood behind Alaysa and held open his arms.  “Let the water go, Alaysa.”

She glanced over her shoulder.  All that water?  Was he crazy?  The force of it hitting them both would kill them.  And there was the tiny problem of her buried ankles.  She shook her head.

“Alaysa, I know it’s hard for you, but you must trust me,” the god said. 

She glanced at his open arms.  The Lightfire giggled in her head.  “Let it go,” the Lightfire said.  “Let him catch you.”

“But the water,” Alaysa said.  “You can’t…” And she stopped her thought.  Too late, the Lightfire realized what she had almost said. 

Alaysa faced the wall of water.  “Release.”

The Lightfire screamed in her head. Water smashed into her body just as Alaysa took a deep breath.  Her legs wrenched beneath the water.  Her head struck something hard. Her hands grabbed something warm and soft and hung on.

Pain erupted along her legs.  Her body jerked then floated free.  For a brief moment Alaysa thought she’d just float to the surface and swim to shore then water filled her nose and mouth and she couldn’t breathe and she knew she was drowning. 

The current pushed her down to the gravel bottom.  Sharp rock edges dug into the skin of her back.  But only for a second.  Her body propelled upward and her head broke the surface.  She tried to take a breath.  Someone yelled in her ear then a wave crashed over her head and she went under again.

A dark shadow covered her eyes.  Alaysa couldn’t remember when last she had breathed air.  Her arms and legs stopped moving.  She felt her body floating with the current.  A song, peaceful as a lullaby filled her head.  Her hip struck a hard edge and she rolled over and out of the current.  Her body rose and broke the surface.  A waved pushed her high up on the rocky shore.  The song vanished as the water receded.  Alaysa lifted her head and coughed up water.

Beside her, someone else seemed to be choking.  She could hear him wheezing as he struggled to breathe.  Pain erupted in her arm.  She looked up and saw Darsis’s hands twisting the skin of her forearm.  Her hand had become latched onto his throat.  Her fingers had gone white with the pressure of squeezing.  Immediately, she yanked her arm back.

Darsis lay back on the rocks, his mouth open, his eyes wide and frightened.

Alaysa drew both her arms beneath her body and rose to her knees.  She dug her toes into the stone bottom to push herself farther up on the shore.  The river rushed by, the current tugging at her still immersed feet.  Her ankles burst into fiery pain.  She collapsed on the rocks again.  Darsis did not reach out to help.

He had saved her life and she had repaid him by nearly strangling him to death.  And she hadn’t even known she was doing it.  She opened her palms and looked at the sparkles on the daisies.  Alaysa had lost control of the Lightfire.

The sound of feet slipping on stones made her look up.  Janek led the group in a run.  Darsis leapt to his feet.  He grabbed Janek just as he came within reach of her.

“No, don’t touch her,” Darsis said, dragging Janek backward.  “Not yet.”

“Let me go,” Janek said and tried to shove the god away.

“Not yet.” Darsis said in a voice that made Alaysa shiver.

The shivering turned into a shuddering. Pain shot through all her limbs.  A scream echoed inside her head.  Her back arched.  Rocks cut into her soggy clothing, biting into her skin.  Then just as quickly as it had begun, the pain stopped.

“All right,” Darsis released Janek. “Now.”

Janek knelt down and placed his hands on her bare arms.  Warmth flooded her body, giving it strength, taking away the pain. She pulled in the warmth and closed her eyes.  The pain faded.  Her exhausted body relaxed.  Sleep filled her mind.

“Breathe, Alaysa, keep breathing,” Darsis said.

With each breath she grew stronger.  She pulled on the energy radiating down her arms and throughout her body.

“Okay, Janek,” Darsis said.  “She’s had enough.”

Janek lifted his hands.  The warmth vanished.  Cold sliced through her body.  She groaned and reached out.

“She’s not ready.” Janek’s voice, tired and weak, seemed to come from so far away.

“No, Janek, no more.” Darsis’s voice, barely audible, carried a threat.

Alaysa didn’t want Janek to stop.  She hadn’t felt this well, this strong in a long time.  She looked into Janek’s face.  He had changed.  Pain etched his features.  This wasn’t right.  This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.  Janek, her Healer, was to give her strength but this was uncontrolled.  Too much.  Fear raced through her veins.  She had nearly killed Darsis.  And now she had nearly killed Janek.  She had to give some of the strength back.  Lifting her hands, she brushed Janek’s sleeve.  Darsis shoved Janek away.  “Alaysa, don’t undo what has been done.” 

Alaysa stared at her hands, hanging in the space where Janek had just knelt.  She couldn’t be trusted.  Rising to her knees, she felt Darsis grab her elbow to help her stand.  She lashed out and shoved Darsis away.  The god fell back on top of Janek.  Alaysa ran a few steps away.  Darsis’s voice stopped her.  “Alaysa, you won’t get far.  Only the pain is gone, not the injury.”

Her ankles gave out and she fell onto her hands and knees.  Kir and Eric ran toward her.  She held up her hand.

“I don’t need anymore help,” she let her head sink onto the stones.  “Just let me die.”